Pushing The Pause Button

Julie Rogers: 0:05

No one ever said life is easy, but I believe by giving yourself permission, you will find you have more control over your life than you realize. I'm Julie. I hope you will join me by taking responsibility for yourself, by only controlling the things you can and letting go of the things that you can't. By doing this, you will have discovered the secret to having happy, healthy and more fulfilling relationships. This is Nearest and Dearest Podcast. I'm Julie Rogers and you are listening to Season 3, Episode 1, Pushing The Pause Button. I want to take a moment to thank you for tuning into my third season. You are the reason I keep coming back. Actually, this is a good leadway into why I want to talk about the meaning of pause and how you can use it really

Julie Rogers: 1:05

every day. I take the months of November, December and January off from podcasting. I need to pause and reflect on why this podcast journey is important to me. I also need to enjoy the transition of leaving New York for the winter and settling into Puerto Rico. It should be a simple thing to do pause. Pause before speaking, making a change, giving yourself some quiet time.

Julie Rogers: 1:36

I have recently decided to intently focus on how I use the power of pause. Listening goes hand in hand when using pause before speaking. I have been known for a good debate. I will passionately speak my mind when given the chance. However, as I get older and hopefully wiser, I have been using the pause button. Here's the thing, you know what you value, believe in, have very strong views on. Sometimes I find it can be exhausting mentally when I try to get my point out. I will now pick and choose when I want to freely express those opinions. I don't need validation from others when it comes to different views or experiences. For healthy relationships, I don't want to get caught up in politics, religion or any other potential heated discussion that can turn quickly into an argument. I've been there, done that. It's not my job to try and change anyone's view. Instead, I want to listen more and let that family member or friend realize that, no matter our differences, we can still respect and care about each other.

Julie Rogers: 3:05

I recently came back from a week-long visit in Connecticut. I'm always excited to spend quality time with my adult children and grandkids. It's hard for me to believe, but I have three teenage grandsons and an almost 11-year-old granddaughter. All of them are growing up too fast. Henry graduates high school this year. How did that happen? Chad is going to tech school this fall. He is a hands-on kind of kid and Silas will be 13, an official teenager who, by the way, is smarter than me in Wordle. And Eloise, she is enjoying music. She is in chorus and playing percussion at school. Also, she's a big Taylor Swift fan. I tell my grands that I'm here for them. I'm a phone call away.

Julie Rogers: 4:04

I notice they like to chat with me about whatever is on their minds. I love that. Before I decided to really focus on my own pause button, I would listen to whatever they wanted to share with me, or even when I overheard a conversation, and I would decide to immediately put in my two cents. I have reflected back on how my own perceptions on any given subject isn't always the way my grands would view the same subject. So on this visit, I was making clear intentions to listen more and instead of instantly giving my views, I would pause. What a difference it made by pushing the pause button, our conversations were rewarding. I wasn't obsessed with getting my own opinions out to them. We had more easygoing chats that were engaging and heartfelt. It was like a light switch went on in my head. Children and teenagers especially want to feel heard and understood, just like the rest of us do.

Julie Rogers: 5:22

I had a spontaneous conversation with Henry one morning. It was just the two of us. Henry is planning on joining the military. He has mentioned this before, so it wasn't new to me. He wants to wait another year. He will be 17 when he graduates. He wanted to tell me his reasons for the wait. He shared his plan, which includes working. He currently works at a local grocery store while he's finishing high school and he's paying attention to his physique. He wants to build more muscle. I asked him if he wanted to hear about the reasons I didn't go to college. I shared those reasons and how my choices defined my life at that time. Here we were just chatting about his future. It was that moment as a grandparent filled with so much pride for him for having a plan that defines who he wants to be. And even though I worry about the world today with so much conflict, hate and uncertainty, I support my grandson's decision. We need to have young men and women like Henry who feel the compelling urge to protect our nation. I told him how proud I am of who he is now.

Julie Rogers: 6:50

I had another first with Ashley. I had a conversation with her prior to coming about a possible girls day. She arranged for us and two of her lifelong best friends to take the train into New York City. One of the friends, Anna, lives in New York, which was great since she could meet us and know how to navigate through the city. Ashley was able to get us free tickets to see a taping of the Kelly Clarkson show. It's a lottery pool and we got lucky. None of us have ever been to a live taping before. It was a fun filled day. Taking the train meant that no one had to drive and we had more time for chatting and relaxing.

Julie Rogers: 7:39

I was using my newfound power of pause. I enjoyed listening to the girls talk about their lives, really taking it all in. I am inspired how these women have stayed so close since middle school. Each of them are unique, talented and beautiful. I know firsthand the value of friendships that endure time. Showing support, love and acceptance only makes your relationship stronger. It's a rare find that these women have, and I'm happy to be able to witness it.

Julie Rogers: 8:17

I have also discovered that by staying in my own lane, I am not responsible for anyone else's words or actions, especially during difficult moments that might be unfolding in front of you. You have the power to pause first, then decide whether to respond. I now don't feel the need to validate my own views, no defending them verbally or letting the different views get under my skin. It boils down to this. I can't change it. By realizing this, there is no more pressure. I simply can move on.

Julie Rogers: 8:59

By staying in your own lane, you are more likely to react to any situation with a more clear advantage. This advantage is realizing that, whether you engage or not, it's your choice. You hold the power. You get to decide on boundaries that might need to be put in place. Once you start practicing your own power, you will have a better, well-balanced mindset. It's your life. By taking charge of your own decisions, boundaries and realizing everyone has their own lane, you are empowering yourself to become the best version of yourself.

Julie Rogers: 9:43

Changing how we react to situations that are hard to deal with is not easy. I'm still a work in progress, but I have already noticed a difference in myself. My adult children have noticed too. I would encourage you to, at the very least, practice the power of pause. Take that extra breath and count to 10. You can do that in your head before you decide to respond. It works. When I look back over the years and, unfortunately, remember some very heated arguments, I wonder, if I would have just paused, how those outcomes would have turned out. When you decide to make a change, pausing can help you figure out some of the details that will come along with that.

Julie Rogers: 10:38

When I moved to New York in the summer of 2006, starting over was going to be tough Figuring out where to live, getting a new job and making new friends. I went through a few jobs before deciding on the one that could sustain me. The most challenging one was working for the new Target retail store that was opening up in Watertown. Because of my past experience working in a team environment for LEGO Systems, I had over 16 years experience, I was offered the pricing team manager. It didn't work out for me. I felt a sense of failure I wasn't used to failing in any job I have ever had before. It came down to me feeling like Target, specifically upper management, wasn't setting me up for success.

Julie Rogers: 11:34

My training was fast paced, with only two weeks. I had to make a decision. I was going to wait until my first full year working there to see if things were going to get better. I didn't get fired. I chose to leave and give notice. I couldn't handle the everyday stress I was under to have my workload finished. I was not catching up. I was battling with my manager to give me help. It just wasn't enough. So I took those last few months of working feeling miserable and looked at my options. I left a decent wage income and picked another one.

Julie Rogers: 12:18

I worked one more job before finally choosing Kinney Drugs, a local company that I could walk to work. It was only one block from home. It was not the best paying wage but the other benefits outweighed that. Thinking back on it now, it was a gift to me. I loved the people I worked with. I loved the customers. I had a sense of pride, knowing I was providing a service that our customers needed. Collin, the store manager, saw potential in me and said I would be a good fit as a pharmacist technician, even though I knew nothing about prescribed drugs. I gave it a shot. I couldn't have predicted at that time how making that one decision would significantly change my life forever. Four years later, Woody came into my life. We both have Natalie to thank. She was a co-worker, working part-time while she was finishing pharmacy school, she played matchmaker.

Julie Rogers: 13:29

It's amazing how life will work out for you when you least expect it. From 2006 to 2012, I was trying to make better choices. I kept going, trial and error, keeping my goal of not settling for anything less than what I needed. Pausing, using reflection and deciding on fulfilling a life deserved was mine. It can be yours too.

Julie Rogers: 14:01

Giving yourself quiet time is an absolute must-have. You need to find a balance that allows your mind and body to relax and rest. When you do this, you are pushing the pause button. You are using your power to realize that giving yourself permission to slow down, reboot yourself, shut down the noise that is all around you, figuratively and literally, will actually give you more energy. I get it. Your life is busy, crazy and full of your own life's daily grind. You're thinking when am I going to find the time to push my pause button? That's when you have to make mindful decisions that first allow you to not feel guilty about putting yourself first, but do the follow-through that will allow you to change the way you approach your family, work, school or any stressful hurdles you are dealing with. If your day is so busy that finding any moment to pause will only be by going to the restroom

Julie Rogers: 15:13

try focusing with the present. Licensed psychologist, Jenny Wang, PhD, who is a member of the Wonder Mind Advisory Committee, I'll share that hyperlink wonderland. com on my show notes, gives you some tips on how to accomplish this. She shares to ground yourself in the here and now. From the minute you wake up, you should pause and focus on your five senses. For example, how do the bed sheets feel on your skin? How does the sunlight look pouring through the window? What can you hear, smell or taste? She also shares that you can return to this technique throughout the day whenever you need to reconnect with the present.

Julie Rogers: 16:12

I enjoy taking walks in the morning. It helps me start my day by being in the present. It's an amazing way to feel connected with my five senses. Whether it's a sunny or cloudy day, I find myself taking the time to notice more of nature. The birds singing, the warmth of the sun, smelling the raindrops and flowers, a dog barking in the distant, even noticing the tiny ants that are working diligently in search of food. It helps to clear my mind.

Julie Rogers: 16:47

Start a morning ritual for yourself. Implementing a morning ritual can help you live in the moment rather than stressing about what's going to happen later in the day, which in turn helps you set boundaries between life and work, or whatever your list for the day commands from you. Dr. Wang also suggests to incorporate scent, like lighting a candle before you get ready for the morning. She says that sensory experience can help cue this notion of wakefulness, even the rituals of how it feels to wash your face, taste your morning fuel up beverage. No matter what you're doing, she asks can you be fully there? I found this next tip interesting. She calls it name that emotion.

Julie Rogers: 17:42

Especially when you're in the midst of a stressful situation, like a conflict with a friend or partner, it can be very hard to pause and organize your thoughts. Dr. Wang recommends activating what's called your observing ego, the ability to step outside of yourself and watch what's happening more objectively. You might think, whoa, I'm very angry right now. I can see myself and my body getting increasingly more agitated. When you do this, you will be creating a space between you and whatever emotion you're feeling, reminding you that you, rather than the anger itself, have control over the situation and what you do next. don't Don't forget you can check in with someone you love. Take a moment and connect with that person, who can help ground you. The sounding board of getting your fears off your chest will help to remind you what you're capable of and reassure you that you'll be OK. Another way our friends can help guide us to make sure we are pausing is making sure we celebrate our happiest moments.

Julie Rogers: 19:07

Don't rush through birthdays, weddings or personal goals that turned out to be wins, even celebrating your favorite sports team finally winning an important victory. Take a pause and be in the moment. Try to identify what you're feeling. Is it gratitude, excitement or thrill? Maybe warmth and connection? By doing all of these intentional and mindfulness practices, you will be pushing the pause button in your own life. Why wouldn't you want to make that part of your everyday best practices?

Julie Rogers: 19:54

Thank you for listening. I want to hear from you. I want to know how you are pushing the pause button. So go to my website, nearestanddearestpodcast. com, or from wherever you listen. You will find a hyperlink for my email address, julierogers@nearestanddearestpodcast. com It's at the top of my show notes. I will also be having a hyperlink to wondermind. com. That will take you to the article titled Nine Smart Ways To Pause And Be Present. The views and opinions expressed by Nearest And Dearest Podcast are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Nearest And Dearest Podcast. Any content provided by Julie Rogers or any other authors are of their opinion. They are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, individual or any one or anything. Thank you.