🔁 BEST OF - Finding Balance

No one ever said life is easy, but I believe by giving yourself permission, you will find you have more control over your life than you realize. I'm Julie. I hope you will join me by taking responsibility for yourself, by only controlling the things you can and letting go of the things that you can't. By doing this, you will have discovered the secret to having happy, healthy and more fulfilling relationships. This is Nearest And Dearest Podcast. I'm Julie Rogers and you are listening to Episode 20, Finding Balance.

Do you remember when you were a kid and you were playing on a teeter-totter? You enjoyed the thrill your belly felt when you went up in the air and then down again with your friend on the other end. You had to trust the other person to keep the rhythm going easily, so each of you were enjoying the ride. It could end roughly or smoothly, depending on your mood. You either nicely took the time to take yourself off without crashing your friend on their end, or you wanted to make a more dramatic exit and quickly jumped off, leaving no time for your friend to land without a big thump.

Life is like that. You have your ups and downs. You can't always predict what challenges life throws at you. When you try to distribute the things in your life like school, work, family and community. You are seeking a balance between all of these important things that are in the long term, not in every instance of life. You want emotional well-being and strive for better fitness and health. You need to say no to something else that interferes with you doing something you want to do which leads you to making time for yourself. How do you do that? Part of the answer to that question is being able to adapt to change. Nothing ever stays the same, even the longest job you might have or relationships you value. The moving parts will change. You can't stop it, either new technology for your job or new management that wants to overall how business will be conducted. Change is inevitable. Relationships should be changing. Healthy ones should show personal growth happening within from each person. The key to a happy, fulfilling, sustainable relationship should always be striving to not only achieve a couple's mutual goals, but also your own. Everyone has ideas about what makes them happy and fulfilled. No two people or relationships are alike. That's what makes all of us so interesting, valuable and unique.

I love to read books, especially ones that are nonfiction, and also watch movies. One of my all-time favorites is Eat Pray Love written by Elizabeth Gilbert, a memoir about her life and her real struggle to find her own best version of herself. I read the book first. It was very enlightening to me. When the movie came out with Julia Roberts as the lead actress, I couldn't wait to see it. I connected with her story. I was also trying to figure out who I was and find a balance with my life. I invited my two sisters and we went to the local drive-in to see it.

It was the summer of 2010. I was not in a relationship. I had ended the first serious one since my 20-year marriage the year before. I was searching for a healthy, sustainable, long-term relationship that would balance out my own happiness and dreams. My biggest takeaway was that I needed to love myself first and foremost.

This quote is from her book, "you are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts and you are the slave to your emotions", end quote. I remember thinking, of course I love myself, but the difference between thinking you love yourself and actually making choices that define who you are is even more empowering. Choices define who we are as a person. It shows our character to the world. You either are making better choices or surviving bad ones. What I have learned is when you survive those bad ones, it makes you even stronger. I know the word survive can sound like a life or death situation, but I like to use it when I realize that, no matter how big or small, that specific choice I made turns out to not be the best decision. I can own that and then move forward with a better understanding of why it didn't work out and then make that next choice, which will continue to support my own goals or intentions.

Decisions are not a one and done reality. You can always make new ones that are better suited for you. Your attitude in how you handle any decisions that you can control, and even the ones that you have no control over, will affect your well-being. It's always your control over your own actions, words, your character that you want to present, that your employer, spouse, family, friends and anyone who you come in contact with, that shows who you are.

You know the expression you can't please everyone. I myself have fallen victim to that. I always was trying to make sure everyone I loved was happy with my choices, decisions, lifestyle. I was constantly seeking approval, but what I have learned is there is absolutely no way to please everyone. By trying to be a people pleaser, you give up control over your own life. You have to put yourself first with owning your decisions.

When you make a life decision, it is yours to make. Everyone has that right. Sometimes, the people you love and respect totally understand your decisions, and that's great. It's a bonus. Enjoy that support.

You have to be confident when you make your own decisions. There will be times when you will get unsolicited opinions and you might feel the need to adapt to what is being offered. But make sure you have the final decision and don't feel guilty or that somehow your decisions are selfish. You have one life. You are responsible for choosing how you want to live it. If you let others, even the ones you love the most, keep you from fulfilling your dreams, or they are trying to minimize your priorities, you will have a lifetime of regrets. You have to validate yourself. You don't need anyone else to approve of who you are. That's a true sense of you loving yourself first. Perception is also a factor. Everyone has their own view. By really understanding that, you will keep making your own decisions that work for just you. Your journey is yours alone and not everyone will get it. Your quality of a well-balanced life depends on yourself.

Family is very important to me. My mother instilled that in me and my siblings. I make conscious choices about quality time with my family. I make it a priority. Because Woody and I are retired and we travel back and forth between our home on the river and now we will be traveling to Puerto Rico for our winter months. We have limited time for our family and friends. We make it work. Our lifestyle is our decision together. No one else made that decision for us.

I think fear can lead to people not living the life that they truly want to. Fear is a normal emotion. I faced it when I made the decision to move to Georgia for love. I followed my heart and, even with knowing I was leaving family and friends, I trusted my instinct to allow myself to find true happiness. I had some friends ask how could I leave behind my grandchildren and not be as involved with seeing them as much by moving so far away? But here's the thing about fear you have to face it, you can't give into it. You can find a true balance with your own life that works for you. There is no rule book about how that looks. You have to give yourself permission first. Once you start doing that, you will see who really values and still loves you unconditionally. You might lose some people, the naysayers who don't want you to be happy and successful with your own goals and dreams. Let them go. Let in joy, fulfillment and love into your life. I have so much happiness. I would rather choose quality time over indifference. Every time. I have more patience, understanding and enjoyment when I spend that quality time with all my relationships. I don't take any of them for granted. Keep striving towards your own version of a healthy balance with your life. It's always in your own hands. The sense of freedom that you are giving yourself is the key to unlocking your endless possibilities with living your best life.

Thank you for listening. Please visit my website, nearestanddearestpodcast. com. There you will find show notes and links. The views and opinions expressed by Nearest And Dearest Podcast are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Nearest And Dearest Podcast. Any content provided by Julie Rogers or any other authors are of their opinion. They are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, individual or anyone or anything. Thank you.