Quality Time

No one ever said life is easy, but I believe by giving yourself permission, you will find you have more control over your life than you realize. I'm Julie. I hope you will join me by taking responsibility for yourself by only controlling the things you can and letting go of the things that you can't. By doing this, you will have discovered the secret to having happy, healthy, and more fulfilling relationships. This is Nearest And Dearest Podcast. I'm Julie Rogers and you are listening to Season two, episode three, Quality Time. According to Wikipedia, quality time is an expression referring to how an individual interacts with another while they are together. Regardless of the duration. Because of my lifestyle, I don't get to spend a whole lot of time with my adult children or grandchildren. I rely on quality time, not the quantity of time to nurture my loving relationships with all of them. I became a grandmother over 16 years ago. I still remember that feeling when I got to hold Henry in my arms for the very first time. I was living in New York and Ashley and Peter were living in Tacoma, Washington. Peter was stationed there before his deployment to the Middle East. I was able to fly there and help Ashley with my first grandbaby. Being a grandmother adds another layer of love that I have been so blessed to have. I have made special memories with those first moments with all four of my grandchildren. I remember having my best friend Fran drive with me along with my three grandsons to see Eloise for the first time at the hospital. It was quite a drive, three car seats, excited kids and driving into the city. I definitely appreciated Fran coming along for the ride. I planned my vacation time those years I was working full-time, to travel to Connecticut and help Ashley for that first week of her being a mom to each one of my grands, I was able to bond with them over that special time. It was the beginning of me creating quality time with each one. Living in a different state, especially when I moved down to Georgia shortly after Eloise was born, was more of a challenge. I had to find that balance that worked for me. My son Sean, was living in New Hampshire at that time after graduating from college. When I would visit Connecticut, I would also visit Sean in New Hampshire. There were definitely occasions when I spent more time in Connecticut because of the grands, but Sean understood. He would sometimes drive down from New Hampshire while I was in Connecticut, if I didn't have enough time off to make both trips. Ashley and Sean also come and see me in New York. We all make the effort to keep our quality time, striving for a balance for each of us. It makes me approach each visit I have and be totally present, not just physically being in the same place. I want to willingly give them my undivided attention. I will always try to only allow my mind to be focused and fully engaged with each of them. Between the visits, I chat with Ashley and Sean on a weekly basis, sometimes two to three times or more a week. It helps keep me posted on whatever is going on with their daily lives. I also keep them posted on what's happening with Woody and I. I know how lucky I am that no matter where I am, I can call or text them. We all have a very close relationship. I do miss a lot of fun occasions though. The grandkids play various sports and recently Eloise joined chorus in her school. Over the years, I have seen a couple of baseball, football, softball, track and field, even watched a live basketball game from a live video. I love when I can do that, but the fact of me living so far away prevents me from being there for the majority of time. That is a reality that tugs at my heart sometimes. During the summer and early fall months is when I get to spend the most quality time. The boys are getting older and I now get to Snapchat with them. My niece Courtney got me into Snapchat a few years ago. We text whenever they want. I usually send them corny dad jokes or share pictures from places I'm visiting. It's a way for me to stay connected. I'll ask about a game or how school is going. Eloise likes to FaceTime. I love that she wants to see my face and share whatever is going on with her at that moment. How cool is it that there is so much technology that allows communication to be available and easy to use? When I visit, I stay in her bedroom on an air mattress. I cherish those times. It's definitely an opportunity for her and I to enjoy one-on-one. I know soon enough all of them will be even more busy with their friends and other interests, and I want to spend as much time as they will allow whether I'm visiting there or they come to New York. The grands come to New York with their parents and by themselves in the summertime. I have taken two at a time in the past in hopes to give each one quality time. Having all four without their parents is a lot, so I started taking two at a time a few years ago. I always leave it as an open invite. Last summer, Eloise stayed a week by herself. I'm hoping the boys will want to come this summer one at a time and bring a friend. I enjoy taking hikes with Sean. It's a great way of spending quality time together. It's that one-on-one time for us to connect with nature. Now that Ashley is working full-time as a licensed therapist, my quality time with her is changing. We will have to make sure that when I visit the family in Connecticut, her and I will take some extra quality time together. Last summer, she came to New York along with a couple of her girlfriends and spent the weekend celebrating my bachelorette party. It's very rare I get to have that kind of one-on-one with her. I told her and the girlfriends, they should make it a yearly getaway for all of them. They are all full-time working moms. I celebrate Christmas with my grandchildren every other year. I fly to Connecticut and enjoy family time together. Sean lives in Connecticut now, so whenever I visit it's always awesome having all them in the same state and even the same town. The older I get, the more I miss seeing them for Christmas. I have options and for that I am very grateful. Having my father and stepmother Joe and Sharri in our lives has been a huge blessing. Quality time with them is just as important to me. The summer and fall months are when Woody and I spend most of our time together with them as well. All four of us make it a priority. Over the last three years, we have established ourselves to be family and appreciate the love all of us have created. I can't express to you how much it meant to me to have my father walk me down the aisle for my wedding last summer. It completed my circle of family. New York is also where my sister and two of my brothers live. We get together when schedules line up or when my brother Steve says, "Hey, are you and Woody taking the boat out?" He has one too and it's great when we all meet on the river. Having them, along with my nieces, nephews, and their families near me is comforting. My sister Jill lives in the same town. Our family is forever changed. Losing our mom in 2019 and losing our baby's sister, JoJo, just last May, has been a huge adjustment. The moments of grief will always be present. Acknowledging them and spending time remembering amazing family memories helps. When I can look into my niece Amanda's beautiful face and see both my mom and my sister, that connection brings sooo much love. Find quality time with friends and family has always been a constant presence in my life. I attribute my love of family from my upbringing. I will always be grateful to my mom for instilling that in me. Perhaps my quality time looks different than yours. It doesn't matter. What matters is however way you choose to make quality time for your spouse, significant other, family, your friends, and even yourself, you will never regret putting in the time that creates even more fulfilling, loving, never forget moments that you will look back upon and be grateful for. Focus on the purpose that quality time serves. Are you engaging in heartfelt conversations, looking the other person in the eye, trying not to interrupt them as they talk, listening more, sharing activities that let you keep engaging with each other, like playing board games or taking a walk together, treasure hunting in thrift stores or yard sales, one of my favorites by the way. Whatever interests you. It truly is a gift when you give someone quality time. It's a chance to plan an activity you can do together or plan a weekend where they can enjoy some peace and quiet when they need it. The most important thing to remember, the best way to achieve quality time is to grab every opportunity to spend time with the people you love. I am headed to Connecticut to spend quality time with my family next week. I can't wait to see all of them. Henry is driving now. Not sure if I'm ready to get in a car with him, but we shall see. Also, I will be flying to Washington DC to attend an advocacy forum for AIM, Alzheimer's Impact Movement through Alzheimer's Association. I want to be more involved with finding a cure for this horrific disease that took my mom. I will get to meet with legislators to share my story. I will let you know what I have learned. It's an amazing opportunity and I'm thrilled that I was asked to attend and represent my district in Northern New York. Stay tuned! The views and opinions expressed by Nearest And authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Nearest And Dearest Podcast. Any content provided by Julie Rogers or any other authors are of their opinion. They're not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, individual, or anyone or anything. Thank you.